forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
