and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Randomize