There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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