I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
