I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
