I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
