I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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