i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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