she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
