just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
