your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
