I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
