I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
