I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
