i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
