This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
