it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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