I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
