I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
