Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
