just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
