Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
