Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
