College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
