You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
