Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
