I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
