I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
