Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
