I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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