bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
your like the ambassador to my penis.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
