Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He better not be in your backpack
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
