Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
