well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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