pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize