Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
