We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
