The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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