Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
