He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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