You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
