i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
