Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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