they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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