id be glad to
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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