i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
