just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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