Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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