Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
