i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize