Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
