She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
