There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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