It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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