Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
of course. lets lasso hookers.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
