Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
