How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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