I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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