I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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