Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
