so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
