I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
