How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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