I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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