Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
