Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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