she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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