we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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