When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
you made out with another girl for some wings
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
